


Memory

by InfiniteJediLove



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Jedi Apprentice Series - Jude Watson & Dave Wolverton, Star Wars: Clone Wars (2003) - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Memories, Telepathy, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-12 02:56:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9052432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InfiniteJediLove/pseuds/InfiniteJediLove
Summary: A year after the battle on Geonosis, the war between the Republic and the Separatists continues to spread. Obi-Wan Kenobi is sent to assist Ildar, a planet in neutral territory. While there, he encounters the Xel, a species with unusual abilities who offer him a glimpse into his past.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written because jedialo21 on tumblr asked for a time-traveling Obi-Wan ficlet. This is a bit different than their headcanon but I hope everyone enjoys it!

The relationship between the Redcav and the Xel was infinitely more complex than Obi-Wan had first been told. The Redcav leader, a being known as ‘the Prophet’ had contacted the Council, warning of the parasitic nature of the Xel. Obi-Wan’s assignment was merely to ensure that the Xel’s segregation from the Redcavs was enforced. It was a mission he would have been more likely given before the war, but he understood the military importance. Ildar, the planet where the small humanoid Redcavs and the anthropoid Xel lived, was in neutral territory. Without Republic assistance in small disputes it would likely chose to join the Separatists.

However, no mission was straightforward anymore and now Obi-Wan found himself surrounded by the massive spindly Xel, his intention to secure territory leading him directly into their nest. One of them clicked its pincers, its multiple eyes watching Obi-Wan with a calm intelligence. Obi-Wan straightened from where he had instinctively fallen into a fighting stance. The Force told him that he would not need his lightsaber here. The Xel were surprised but he could sense no violence in them. Their threatening appearance was a lie, they were weak, starving.

_Jedi._

He blinked, inhaling slightly. He had not been warned that the Xel were telepathic. Did the Redcav know? The mental voice was not one but many, a collective consciousness as the Xel formed a loose ring around him. Obi-Wan had been in numerous worse situations before and he remained relaxed, ignoring the cold wind that shuddered through the massive purple ferns that surrounded the Xel nest. He was grateful for the clone armor he wore beneath his tunic but he was not naive in believing it could stand up to the Xel’s sharp pincers. Obi-Wan lifted hands, palms out in an open gesture of peace.

_I am Obi-Wan Kenobi of the Republic._

He sent the message through the Force, the Xel around him shifted, their Force sense confused, they did not understand what he meant by Republic. Obi-Wan tried again, relieved in an odd way that Anakin was not with him. Since his former padawan’s knighting, Anakin had been assigned from one mission to the next and though Obi-Wan would have liked to have a Jedi well trained in combat beside him if things were to go wrong, he was fortunate not to have Anakin here. He knew Anakin’s impulsiveness as well as the man’s lack of willingness to understand non-humanoid sentient species would have only worsened the situation between the Xel and the Redcav.

 _I am a Jedi. You are familiar with us?_ he sent the question to them through the Force, searching the powerful but primitive telepathic connection.

_Mind-Soul beings._

The Xel seemed still somewhat confused but there was a deep hunger to them, a fragility, and Obi-Wan grasped the meaning of it as a mix of sensation and thought.

_You are dying?_

A flutter of movement came around the circle as the Xels’ legs trembled, their small black eyes conveying realms of sorrow.

_We starve. The Redcav are separate. Mind-drink gone._

“Mind-drink?” Obi-Wan murmured out loud. The telepathic touch grew stronger against his mind, the Xel’s voice more desperate.

_We need different food than others. We drink memories. We offer memories._

At his startled understanding they retreated a few paces, clicking pincers, their mental contact becoming oddly reassuring.

_They are not stolen, but offered…we once had strong thoughts. Redcavs came to us often, looking for wisdom. We offer our minds, to their minds, their minds offered to ours…a circle…they called us friend, but now they abandon and we starve…_

Obi-Wan stared at the Xel, considering what had been said, what he’d overheard the Redcav mention about ‘past rituals’.

_You allow them a way to process their memories? You…feed on their emotions?_

_Yes, Jedi. They are conflicted by past, we offer way to restore peace with self. Clear, free they are when they leave._

“If they are free, and this is a once common ritual, why did the Redcav stop?” Obi-Wan asked outright, knowing the Xel would understand the meaning even if they did not speak Basic.

The Xel minds were not violent, they were confused, weak with sorrow and hunger. Was it possible that the relationship between the Redcav and the Xel had once been symbiotic, and it was the Prophet that had damaged the delicate link between two separate cultures? Multiple eyes narrowed in thought, the Xel shifting nervously again.

_They were told we were evil. That we meant harm. We do not harm. Some Redcav still came…but it has been many years. Our own memories are not enough…we grow weak…._

A thought, an insane thought entered Obi-Wan’s mind, separate from the Xel’s telepathic touch. If he offered them help…if he were able to see his own memories, could he see Qui-Gon again? A sharp pain jarred through him at the thought of one so long dead and so long missed. The emotion must have transferred slightly through the contact of their minds because the Xel’s pincers clicked rapidly, their eyes alight. Obi-Wan could sense how weak they were, how long they had gone without their form of food, much longer than the years he had gone without his beloved. He stepped forward, looking around at them.

_If I offer myself to this ritual, will you work with me to resolve the issues between you and the Redcav?_

An affirmative answer came and Obi-Wan slowly knelt down on the thick damp leaves of the nest that had long ago been crushed to a fibrous pulp by the Xel’s steps. He knew he could be making a fatal mistake but the desire to see Qui-Gon one last time was overwhelming…the Xel closed in on him, each extending a long furred leg carefully to touch his shoulder, back, arms, their telepathic touch soothing and hypnotic.

_Sleep Jedi, your past is our past, your peace our peace…_

* * *

A light came, bright, than fading. He blinked eyes open, moving to his feet reflexively. Obi-Wan frowned as his surroundings appeared around him, sharpening into reality. Running water from numerous fountains ran continuously into a large lake. Grass and other foliage spread out beneath his dusty boots. He stepped froward, glimpsing his reflection in the rippling water. He was still older, his brown-red beard and short hair were just starting to show some gray, light glinted off the white of his clone armor, refracting against the water. His light colored tunic pulled over the armor looked the same as it had when he had entered the Xel nest.

He looked up, the thousand fountain room was always a place he enjoyed visiting when he returned to the Temple. Over the years it had rarely changed but there were a few differences, none of which were visible anymore. A splash in the distance startled him. He turned toward the other side of the lake, watching as a young Mon Calamari dove from a rock, swimming the length of the lake before coming up for air. Even not being able to see her clearly, Obi-Wan knew who it was. Bant. He bit his lip, an odd blurred sensation moving through his mind…the Xel…he was with them, but he was also here. They had already begun.

Obi-Wan moved around the edge of the lake, needing to do something to distract himself from the surrealism of it all. He noticed a young boy sitting in the grass staring at the datapad in his lap, his brow furrowed. Himself, perhaps only a year before he became a padawan. He felt a strange sensation of vertigo seeing how small he had been, how determined to do whatever it took to become a Jedi. The boy looked up, aware of his gaze and Obi-Wan blinked as their light-colored eyes met. He had not known if it was possible for him to interact with the past but it appeared that it was.

“May I sit here?” he asked, aware that his younger self was staring, studying his clone armor with confusion.

At his question the boy jumped and nodded, offering a hasty bow. Obi-Wan found himself smiling slightly at the quick gesture even as he continued to scan the area, looking for the hint of a tall man with long graying hair, a dark cloak. He had forgotten how shy he had once been as the boy watched him out of the corner of his eye, fingering the edge of his datapad nervously.

“What are you working on?” Obi-Wan asked, though he remembered perfectly the assignment he had been struggling with in this memory.

“Just an assignment on the Living Force, Master.” His younger self responded quietly and Obi-Wan glanced at the boy.

He remembered the frustration at having to look up various philosophies, to defend a point of view he had been convinced didn’t exist. He was older now and through Qui-Gon he had learned to let much of his contention with the Living Force theory go. It was merely a different way of approaching the Force but he had been unsure of how to accept that as a child. Obi-Wan looked out at the lake, both of them watching the younger version of Bant dive in and out of the water.

“She’s good at swimming.” The boy next to him remarked and Obi-Wan heard the note of dejection there.

He remembered watching Bant swim, struggling to piece together an essay worthy of recognition and feeling as if he was failing. That everyone else was rushing ahead of him, everyone was becoming a much better Jedi than himself. He had been certain at that moment that he had no talent, nothing that would make him stand out to a master. He glanced at his younger self, unsure if he should say anything.

“Other initiates say that I’ll become a farmer someday, that that’s the only thing I can amount to.” the boy blurted out next to him and Obi-Wan tilted his head, forgetting for a moment how blunt he could be as a child.

His younger self seemed on the verge of apologizing for his outburst, his face red with embarrassment. Obi-Wan looked over at him briefly before returning to watching the lake.

“I don’t think anyone knows what another will amount to.” he said quietly, still looking for Qui-Gon but feeling a familiar heavy sadness as he accepted the fact that it was unlikely that he would ever see the man again.

“But Bruck says…” his younger self trailed off, staring at the grass they sat on.

Bruck. The conflicting emotions around the padawan who had bullied him, whose death he had been unable to prevent…they seemed long ago, and yet like fresh wounds at the pain in his younger self’s eyes. Obi-Wan lifted his head, looking out toward the fountains, remembering a struggle there, a fall…a cold shiver pulsed through him and he knew with a burst of weariness that the process was working, the Xel were getting what they needed.

“Bruck does not know you. Only you know your own possibilities.” He responded calmly, recalling Qui-Gon telling him the same thing, many years ago.

His younger self blinked, giving a small tentative smile before it faded, his brow creasing again.

“What if…” the boy said somberly, “what if I’m never chosen? What if I have to leave my friends, my home for a place I’ve never known?”

That fear had haunted him for so long even after he had been accepted as a padawan. The fear of losing everything…but then he had lost everything and it had been nothing like he had thought. Obi-Wan turned to the boy who was watching him steadily. Had he always had this determination to know the truth, regardless of consequences?

“Your occupation does not define, nor diminish your worth as an individual. There are still many things about you that have no bearing on what you do.” he stated firmly.

Exhaustion was stealing over him and a sense that time was limited. He could not waste this opportunity to tell his younger self what had taken him years to know. That he was more than his service to the Order, that he was capable of feeling and knowing things that went beyond his identity as a Jedi. Anger, loneliness, loss, happiness, _love_. He thought of Qui-Gon. His younger self stared up at him, his small face showing a hint of sternness to it, of resolution.

“Even as a Jedi?” the boy questioned skeptically.

“Even as a Jedi.” Obi-Wan affirmed gently.

The splashing in the lake grew louder, Bant approaching and climbing out of the water to stand near them dripping on the shore, her gaze hesitant. Obi-Wan remembered that they were required in a class in a short amount of time and he rose, knowing his own time was limited, the draining sensation in his mind more intense than before. His younger self stood as well, clutching his datapad, glancing at Bant before looking back at Obi-Wan.

“Why are you here?” the boy asked boldly, “I’ve never seen you before.”

Obi-Wan gave him a small smile, it was somewhat bittersweet as was this memory. Odd that the Xel had selected such an ordinary moment when there were memories infinitely better or worse than this one to chose from.

“I’m looking for someone I knew long ago. I don’t know if he’s here,” Obi-Wan paused in his answer, staring again at the lake as if it held some secret from him, “I suppose it was a foolish dream.”

“I don’t think you’re a fool.” His younger self declared, than lifted his chin in determination to accept whatever rebuke came for his outspokenness.

The exhaustion was increasing, colors seemed to be dimming around Obi-Wan.

“No, perhaps not.” He murmured, feeling a wave of dizziness but ignoring it.

He watched his younger self frown slightly in thought, tried to think of what he would have thought at that time, but he could not know. He was not this child anymore, their lives could still be entirely different. There were still opportunities not yet chosen or resolved.

“I hope you find what you are looking for, Master.” His younger self said in a very serious voice for one so small, bowing before turning toward Bant who still stayed near the lake, watching them both with shy curiosity.

Obi-Wan bowed slightly in return.

“Yes, you as well.”

The land around Obi-Wan seemed less real as his younger self left the thousand fountain room, talking to Bant who hurried to keep up with him. Obi-Wan felt lightheaded and he stumbled slightly when he turned and walked to one of the many exits. He did not know where he was going, only knew that he had to leave. He was tired and confused, unsure what the Xel had given him and what they had taken away.

Another Jedi was moving past him and Obi-Wan stopped short so that the other man did as well. The lake, the grass, the trees, everything had lost it’s color but this man remained the same, his brown cloak and brown hair sharp against the gray background, his dark blue eyes vivid.

“Qui-Gon.” Obi-Wan said the man’s name without thinking.

The taller man blinked, giving him a small quizzical look. His confusion was apparent and Obi-Wan felt as if he had been struck. Of course Qui-Gon would not know him, of course he would see Qui-Gon like this.

“Forgive me, I do not recall meeting you before.” Qui-Gon said finally, staring intently at him and Obi-Wan looked away.

“I’m…I’m not sure that we have, there are circumstances that have prevented…” he shook his head, forcing himself to look at Qui-Gon without betraying the strangling mix of love and loss he was experiencing seeing the man before him again, “I am pleased to meet you.”

“I believe it is my pleasure.” Qui-Gon said softly.

There was a gentle tone to the man’s voice that Obi-Wan had missed most of all, the expression in Qui-Gon’s eyes tender and intrigued and Obi-Wan knew with a terrible certainty that Qui-Gon was already falling in love with him and that there was no time. He could sense the Xel attempting to wake him.

“I’m sorry, I must go.” He whispered, stepping back and Qui-Gon moved to say something but already the world was disintegrating around Obi-Wan and than there was darkness.

He could smell dead leaves and hear the Xel stepping around him. He opened his eyes, not surprised to feel his face wet with the tears that he had not shed in years. Slowly he sat up, the telepathic murmur of the Xel soft inside his head. Obi-Wan wiped his face on his sleeve. He looked up at the Xel, sensing their health restored.

 _Is that all?_ He asked numbly

The Xel stirred, their many eyes watching him with a sympathy that was fast becoming unbearable.

_Your memories are very strong, Jedi._

Obi-Wan forced himself to his feet, he felt lighter, his clone armor gone, had the Xel taken it? He knew they liked things that shone. It hardly mattered. Here the only weapons he feared were those used against his mind and the Xel had not harmed him in any way, it was his own thoughts that bothered him now.

 _The Redcav?_ He asked telepathically, determined to return to his assignment.

The Xel shifted again before speaking, their mind-voice gentle.

_We are at peace with the Redcav. You have brought us that._

_But the negotiations haven’t started,_ Obi-Wan protested in confusion, still unsteady on his feet as he took a step forward, his mind aching from the continued telepathic connection.

A soft trilling noise came from the largest Xel, their collective voice reassuring.

_Your memories are not the same Jedi._

An idea came, so wild, so impossible that Obi-Wan stumbled again, nearly falling.

“Was that a memory or the past?” he demanded aloud, his low voice tense.

_With the Redcav it is memories. They could not speak to the past, you are strong, Jedi, have powerful mind-gifts. You spoke with past._

_And the past has changed now…_ Obi-Wan responded, dazed. He looked up at the large spider-like creatures surrounding him.

“Which future is this?” he whispered,

 _Does it matter?_ The Xel asked in return, their voice full of quiet understanding.

Obi-Wan stared at them, then down at his own hands. A scar he had never seen before ran across his thumb but the one on the palm of his hand no longer existed. Images he was unsure were real pressed at his mind and he gasped, suddenly uncertain of everything he had once known. A noise came, footsteps nearby that the Xel looked toward in curiosity but did not seem startled by. The thick purple plants around them moved, a tall figure stepping through the massive ferns surrounding the Xel nest.

“There you are.” Qui-Gon said.

He was older, yet still very little age showed from when Obi-Wan had seen him…was it really years ago? Or was it only days? Hadn’t he seen Qui-Gon die? Hadn’t he…he shook his head in confusion and Qui-Gon stepped closer, brow creasing in concern. Qui-Gon’s hair was completely silver, thick and loose, it hung almost to his waist now. His face was somewhat thinner but it hardly looked any older then it had fifteen years ago. He moved with the same limber grace that Obi-Wan had always seen in him. With a small bow to the Xel, Qui-Gon stepped further into the nest.

“I am sorry for not announcing my arrival sooner.” He said to the Xel, “The Redcav just informed me that my husband’s negotiations between you and the Republic have been finalized and the next shuttle into orbit leaves within an hour.” He glanced at Obi-Wan, concern still showing in his deep blue eyes, “I would have contacted Obi-Wan through our bond but I’m afraid your telepathic abilities shield our connection.”

The Xel clicked their pincers in apology, trilling a soft farewell.

“Obi-Wan?” Qui-Gon asked, tilting his head slightly at Obi-Wan’s silence, “Are you ready to leave?”

Obi-Wan looked over at the Xel who watched him closely. They had seen something in his memories…something terrible, perhaps…but that had been long ago…some other life…he faced his husband, aware of the years they had had together, the years they still had left. He was somewhat unsteady, unsure of where it was they were going, but he knew that it did not matter, he would follow Qui-Gon wherever the man wished to go.

“Yes,” he said quietly, “I am.”


End file.
